Every Sunday morning I retell Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy to my Bible Fellowship (aka Sunday School) class. Here are a few new ones I found as well as some old favorites:
If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampoland, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seem to be getting out of control.
The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad". We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.
Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke", but to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, "What if I was an ant, and she fell on me?" Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
Children need encouragement, so if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.
I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?", or, "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!