Mish-mash. Is that even a word? It basically describes my brain right now. It's a mish-mash of wondering. Wondering what I'll be doing 6 months from now. Wondering where I'll be 6 months from now. I know one thing. If you had asked me at 18 where I'd be at 31, it would not be here. It would not be the sole provider for my family of 1. It would not be 5 hours from my family. And it most certainly would not be worrying about if I would have a job in a year. I've been out of college for 8 years now. And I'm on my second job, not by choice. It's hard. It's a lot harder than I tell anyone. And as much as I have not worried about my status before, it's heavy on my heart and mind these days. I wish so often that I had someone to go home to at the end of the day. Someone to hold me and tell me it will be ok. Someone to celebrate the highs with and someone to talk to when the lows hit. And I do have Someone. I have the Someone. He's always there to listen, but so often I don't want to talk to Him. And that's what I need to work on. I need to work on turning my problems over to Him first and foremost. Because no matter what happens, no matter where I am or what I am doing, He is in control. He knows the path my life will take. And really, that's all that matters.
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -- Jeremiah 29:11