Thursday, June 08, 2006

The Deal Is Never Closed

I became a big fan of Shaunti Feldhahn after I listened to her speak on her book For Women Only. She and her husband, Jeff, have now released the follow-up book For Men Only. My friend, D, lent me a copy of the book to read. WOW! Did these people look into my head while writing this book? I believe so. This book is a guide for men to the "inner lives of women." Scary, I know, as sometimes I think my own mind is too much for even me to handle.

A couple of nights ago I read the chapter "The Deal Is Never Closed." This chapter dealt with the fact that just because you have sealed the deal and married a woman (or committed to dating them exclusively) that doesn't mean you can just quit letting them know that they are important to you. I found myself being taken back several years to the last serious relationship I was in. As I read the words of the book I felt myself reliving the thoughts and emotions I experienced during the last few months of that relationship. There was no reassurance. And when I did ask (or pester) the person they would say the words I needed to hear and then say they felt they were contributing to the emotions I was struggling with. Now that I have read this chapter I could better have communicated to them what I was feeling. Even reading this as a female I can see where I could have seen where the person wasn't serious in their words (especially since their actions didn't back them up) and saved myself some heartache or I could have given it to them to read so they could see that they weren't meaning what they said and were in fact adding to my emotions because of it.

Men, just because you may be romantic clods (which Shaunti explains in her book), doesn't mean you can't try. Now granted women need to be more patient with you as you learn and know that criticizing your efforts will not help themselves feel more appreciated and loved in the future as the man will not try again. But it is the little things we (as women) look for. The simple compliments, a hug, a reaffirmation (even if we just got one 30 mintes ago.) And men, find where you can "shine" for that special someone in your life and go for it. If you aren't into the whole romantic thing, it still wouldn't kill you to stop by the grocery store and pick up some fresh flowers for that special someone in your life. Women know that not every man is programmed for romance, fine dining, and dancing, but all men can contribute their own special touch that is just for that special woman in their life.

So, I'm sure I didn't cover all my thoughts on this chapter and I'm sure those who read this will have their own opinions of my opinions, but they are my opinions.

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