Monday, April 06, 2009

I Am Tired

I am tired...of stress at work. I am only one person. The people I support are just one person each. And we are all overloaded. And so we take our stresses out on one another. We're learning to say to one another, "I can't." But that is not the answer management wants. So we stay tired.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

I am tired...of feeling so far away. I feel like I am so far away from everyone who has had such an impact on my life. I miss my family like mad. I miss my friends like mad. I think spending an extended weekend back home in "God's Country" has brought all of the homesickness back. Or maybe I never fully experienced the withdrawal when I moved and now the emotion gets to me. A lot lately.

I am tired...and that makes me grouchy. I wish I weren't grouchy. Just like I wish I weren't tired. But I find it hard to sleep some nights because I have all of these emotions rolling around in my head.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

I am tired...of feeling like I don't give God what He deserves. I am failing Him miserably at this point in my life. And that exhausts me as well. I know I need to spend more time with Him. I know I need to petition Him to show me where I am to be serving Him now.

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles;

I am tired...of being out of shape. I really need to work more on working out. Yes, it would benefit my physical body but it would also do wonders for my mental health as well.

they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. (Isaiah 40:29-31)

But of all these items only one is within my control completely. I can choose to find my rest in God. I can choose to turn to Him when the frustrations of life are getting me down. No matter where I live He is there with me. If it doesn't seem He is there, it's because I shut the door on Him. Not because He walked out on me. And my body is His temple. The church is not a building. The church is the people. And I am a person. And I am reminded again as we celebrate Easter that He would have sent His Son just for me. Just for me and my life drama. And I am thankful. So I will put my hope in the Lord. He will give me the rest and the strength to carry on. And if I focus on Him, these other items will lose importance and focus in my life. Because I will give them to Him. And He will hold them for me. And He will guide me through them. And He will give me rest.

1 comment:

Shanle said...

I am praying for you! God is big, give it to Him! Love you.