A Pluto Funny

Deep Thoughts

Every Sunday morning I retell Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy to my Bible Fellowship (aka Sunday School) class. Here are a few new ones I found as well as some old favorites:

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampoland, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seem to be getting out of control.

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad". We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke", but to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, "What if I was an ant, and she fell on me?" Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Children need encouragement, so if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.

I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?", or, "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!

My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine ?????

I'm hopping mad. Pluto is no longer a planet? Is this a conspiracy by the textbook companies to make money because all science books will have to be rewritten to remove Pluto from the line-up of planets? And what to do with the catchy little jingle that students all over the place have learned their planets by? Not to mention Pluto was my favorite. Just a tiny little planet hanging out in the middle of nowhere, minding its own business, when a bunch of astonomers in Prague (they were probably not in their sober minds when decidint this!) have taken away its right to be a planet. Poor little Pluto. I mean, it's tough enough being the smallest planet, but to now be in the genre "dwarf planets." Kick a planet while it's down. I think I will rebel and continue to think of it as a planet. And that will be my tribute to Pluto.

Mr. Nice Guy.... NOT!

I have a friend, P, who I always thought was one of the nicest guys I had ever met. He appears quiet and reserved upon meeting him. Once you get to know him he has a quick sense of humor and is much fun to be around. I always thought he was the type of person who would never hurt a fly, more or less a human. However, it has come to my attention (as well as Brown Sugar, Tryphena, and JT) that this is not the case. On Wednesday nights (after churhc and walking), a group of us meet at a local tennis court to play a friendly game of doubles. Last Wednesday night P and I were playing doubles against Brown Sugar and Tryphena. Out of nowhere, P slams the ball across the net and hits Brown Sugar in the stomach (appendix area.) SMACK! You could hear it from the back of the court where I was hanging out. That was aggression #1. P apologized and we thought all was well in the world and that it was an innocent mistake. However, after the tennis match last night I'm not sure we all feel the same way. Brown Sugar and I were playing doubles against P and JT. P was serving to Brown Sugar. Suddenly the ball is headed straight for me, not Brown Sugar (as it should have been.) Needless to say, my reaction time was not good so I got nailed in the thigh. Aggression #2. P, you get one more chance. If you hit someone next week, I'm afraid we're going to have to take you down with our rackets. I still consider P a nice guy....just not on the tennis court.

An Easy Button

Do you ever wish life had an easy button? You could just push it like they do in the commercials and everything would be all better. Sick people would be healed, hurting people would be relieved of their hurt and those who hurt them, lonely people would surrounded by others, and so on. As I look back over the last few years of my life I realize they haven't been what most people would call easy. Granted, life has not dealt me of my family as many hard times as some have. We have been blessed to have food on our table and shelter over our heads. We have been warm during the winter and blessed to be able to turn the A/C on during the summer. However, the loss of loved ones and dealing with the news of Alzheimers has hit me and my family hard. It is during those times that you wish you could hit your easy button and just make it all better. But that is not God's plan for our life. Suffering draws us closer to Him. As hard as it is to go through these life events, I can't imagine what it must be like for someone who does not believe in Him. By turning our pain and suffering over to Him, He surrounds us with a love that is unexplainable and completely amazing. He wraps His arms around us, and though we cannot see Him, we know He is there. So, if having an easy button meant giving that up, I'll take the pain and suffering any day. After all, none of us have it as bad as Job did.

Favorite Childhood Toy

A couple of blogs I read have recently named favorite childhood toys. Contrary to what my dad may think, my styrofoam boomerang was not my favorite. Hands down it was the Smurf big wheel. Man, that thing could fly. I don't know if it was because it wasn't weighted down by the baby seat like my sister's Cabbage Patch big wheel or if I just had super human strength in peddling the blue machine to insane speeds. Whatever it was, I just remember some of my happiest times on that big wheel. I remember when I wore holes through the wheels in the first one... my next big wheel had to be a Smurf. They only replacement for a Smurf big wheel was a Smurf big wheel.

What was your favorite childhood toy?

How Times Do Change

I hope your computer will let you make this image bigger so you can enjoy the irony.