A Pluto Funny

Deep Thoughts

Every Sunday morning I retell Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy to my Bible Fellowship (aka Sunday School) class. Here are a few new ones I found as well as some old favorites:

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampoland, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seem to be getting out of control.

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad". We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke", but to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, "What if I was an ant, and she fell on me?" Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

Children need encouragement, so if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.

I can't stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, "Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?", or, "Do you have that $50 you borrowed?" Man, quit being so cheap!

My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine ?????

I'm hopping mad. Pluto is no longer a planet? Is this a conspiracy by the textbook companies to make money because all science books will have to be rewritten to remove Pluto from the line-up of planets? And what to do with the catchy little jingle that students all over the place have learned their planets by? Not to mention Pluto was my favorite. Just a tiny little planet hanging out in the middle of nowhere, minding its own business, when a bunch of astonomers in Prague (they were probably not in their sober minds when decidint this!) have taken away its right to be a planet. Poor little Pluto. I mean, it's tough enough being the smallest planet, but to now be in the genre "dwarf planets." Kick a planet while it's down. I think I will rebel and continue to think of it as a planet. And that will be my tribute to Pluto.

Mr. Nice Guy.... NOT!

I have a friend, P, who I always thought was one of the nicest guys I had ever met. He appears quiet and reserved upon meeting him. Once you get to know him he has a quick sense of humor and is much fun to be around. I always thought he was the type of person who would never hurt a fly, more or less a human. However, it has come to my attention (as well as Brown Sugar, Tryphena, and JT) that this is not the case. On Wednesday nights (after churhc and walking), a group of us meet at a local tennis court to play a friendly game of doubles. Last Wednesday night P and I were playing doubles against Brown Sugar and Tryphena. Out of nowhere, P slams the ball across the net and hits Brown Sugar in the stomach (appendix area.) SMACK! You could hear it from the back of the court where I was hanging out. That was aggression #1. P apologized and we thought all was well in the world and that it was an innocent mistake. However, after the tennis match last night I'm not sure we all feel the same way. Brown Sugar and I were playing doubles against P and JT. P was serving to Brown Sugar. Suddenly the ball is headed straight for me, not Brown Sugar (as it should have been.) Needless to say, my reaction time was not good so I got nailed in the thigh. Aggression #2. P, you get one more chance. If you hit someone next week, I'm afraid we're going to have to take you down with our rackets. I still consider P a nice guy....just not on the tennis court.

An Easy Button

Do you ever wish life had an easy button? You could just push it like they do in the commercials and everything would be all better. Sick people would be healed, hurting people would be relieved of their hurt and those who hurt them, lonely people would surrounded by others, and so on. As I look back over the last few years of my life I realize they haven't been what most people would call easy. Granted, life has not dealt me of my family as many hard times as some have. We have been blessed to have food on our table and shelter over our heads. We have been warm during the winter and blessed to be able to turn the A/C on during the summer. However, the loss of loved ones and dealing with the news of Alzheimers has hit me and my family hard. It is during those times that you wish you could hit your easy button and just make it all better. But that is not God's plan for our life. Suffering draws us closer to Him. As hard as it is to go through these life events, I can't imagine what it must be like for someone who does not believe in Him. By turning our pain and suffering over to Him, He surrounds us with a love that is unexplainable and completely amazing. He wraps His arms around us, and though we cannot see Him, we know He is there. So, if having an easy button meant giving that up, I'll take the pain and suffering any day. After all, none of us have it as bad as Job did.

Favorite Childhood Toy

A couple of blogs I read have recently named favorite childhood toys. Contrary to what my dad may think, my styrofoam boomerang was not my favorite. Hands down it was the Smurf big wheel. Man, that thing could fly. I don't know if it was because it wasn't weighted down by the baby seat like my sister's Cabbage Patch big wheel or if I just had super human strength in peddling the blue machine to insane speeds. Whatever it was, I just remember some of my happiest times on that big wheel. I remember when I wore holes through the wheels in the first one... my next big wheel had to be a Smurf. They only replacement for a Smurf big wheel was a Smurf big wheel.

What was your favorite childhood toy?

How Times Do Change

I hope your computer will let you make this image bigger so you can enjoy the irony.

Something to Think About

Well, we made it back from Memphis is much less time than it took us to get there. We dropped K off in Nashville for a conference and then A and I headed home. Lots to do today so I want to leave you with a quote to think about. Maybe I'll blog on it more later, but just read it and think about it.

“There is a direct relationship between expectation and disappointment, and much of our disappointment in relationships is not because people have actually wronged us, but because they have failed to meet our expectations." -- Paul Tripp

Patience Part 2

So, yesterday I said I was praying for patience. I also said I would catch every red light on my way home. Well, I didn't catch many red lights because there aren't a lot between my work and my house. However, last night my friends A and K joined me for a car trip to Memphis. There are no traffic lights on the interestate so one would think we were safe from my prayer for patience. However, we hit three traffic jams. At one point we sat barely inching forward for about 30-40 minutes. I shared at this point that I had prayed for patience. My friends were not happy. I was not minding the wait as I was enjoying the visiting time for them, but they minded. It was all my fault. I did learn one area of my life that I need to work on having more patience: slow cars in the fast lane. Now, one would think a girl who doesn't mind sitting in traffic would not be irritated by having to go slow in the fast lane. But it bothers me. So now I'm praying to have more patience with the slow cars in the fast lane. It will be a process, but an area I know God can work with me in. So, today I am still praying for patience...just don't tell A or K or I might be driving home by myself tomorrow!

Patience

The end of a matter is better than its beginning,
and patience is better than pride.

Ecclesiastes 7:8

I am praying for patience in my life. I know, I know. Everyone always says, "don't pray for patience" because you'll get it. I am usually a patient person. I don't mind waiting at red lights for the most part (except the one exiting the interstate to Emory at 11:00 PM. It takes forever.) It irritates me when people are late, but I'm usually the one who is late. As of late I have become very unsettled about some issues and realize that I can't just make them go away with the blink of eye or the snap of a finger or by just saying I want them resolved. So I guess I am praying for specific patience. But I know I'll still catch every red light on the way home today. And I'm ok with that.

Discipline

Pray for my poor mother as she decides which path to take in life. She has been teaching special ed for 31 years. However, the emotional toll of the past 8 months on her life coupled with the discipline problems of the children in her classroom are really taking a toll on her mentally and physically. I got an email from her just a few moments ago saying she had been bitten. I was shocked at first but then I remembered she told me that one of her kids this year is a biter, kicker, hitter. It's only the second day of school and my mom is on her way to the doctor because the child bit her and it broke the skin. The sad part is, because of state laws, you can't even punish the child. I pray my mother can find a way to retire. This is no way for her to be treated on a daily basis and I fear that things will only get better if she sticks around.

Praises During Storms

It amazes me that people can be so mean. My sister received a message on her instant messenger yesterday from a person who told her that if she did not change that my other niece, G, would have her life ruined as well. The person used Bible verses out of context to say really cruel things to her. My sister is not perfect. None of us are. Satan will attack using anyone and any circumstance. It breaks my heart that people can be so mean under normal circumstances, but to attack when someone is already so broken is reaching to a low only Satan could bring a person to. I guess the biggest surprise was that this commonly happens to parents who lose a child. A friend of ours who lost her son at the end of May said that she had to delete comments off of her blog that people left saying mean things about her.

My prayers now are first for my sister, that she will remain strong and God can continue to work in her life. But I also pray for those who would be so cruel as to say these things. I keep hearing the words of Casting Crowns over and over in my head. Unfortunately the storms never pass as quickly as we would like, but God knows His plans for us and I know the sunshine will eventually pass through the clouds in His timing. I have posted the lyrics below so you can read them as well.

Praise You In the Storm
Casting Crowns

I was sure by now, God, You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again I say "amen" and it's still raining
And as the thunder rolls I barely hear
You whisper through the rain "I'm with you."
And as your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands
That You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I cry You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind you heard my cry to you and raise me up again
My strength is almost gone how can I carry on if I can't find You
But as the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you"
And as your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands
That You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I cry You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

I lift my eye unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

And I'll praise you in this storm and I will lift my hands
That You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I cry You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

Underwhat?

Tomorrow, August 9, is National Underwear Day. Yes, you heard it here first. It's a day to celebrate in your skivvies. Now, I recommend that you celebrate in the privacy of your own home. But in Manhattan they will be celebrating in the streets. So go home, wash your favorite pair, and celebrate in style tomorrow. But if you leave your house, please put clothes on. And always remember what your mother said, "Put on clean underwear in case you are in a wreck." Everyone knows how much worse it is to have a wreck with dirty undies.

For more information on this topic, read Sam Venable's column.

A Wild Night

Friday night I went home to spend the night with my best friend from high school, CJ, so that we could have a yard sale on Saturday. By the time CJ and I connected it was past 11:00 due to different obligations on both of our parts. We started talking as she did various chores around her house (and her husband and baby slept!) We talked our way into her room as she folded laundry and I quickly snuggled into the overstuffed chair in the corner of her bedroom. When she finished folding laundry we continued our conversation. At a quarter to 4 we decided we should probably go to bed, but we needed to determine our plan of action for the yard sale. We somehow got distracted onto a different topic so at 5:00 AM we decided to go eat. Did you know that at 5:00 AM there is a hostess and a chef working at Perkins? That's it. We had the whole restaraunt to ourselves. It was so nice. We ate then went home. I took a 10 minute power nap while CJ did some more laundry then we proceeded with setting up our yard sale. I am thankful that after all these years CJ and I can still spend this time together. We're going to try to do it more often so we don't have to spend the whole night catching up though!

Three Times a Lady

I went back to work today for the first time since last Thursday. I had the work of three people waiting on me. It's flattering that they feel I am competent enough to do the work of three people. It will be even better if they would decide to pay me the salary of three people. Oh well, until then, I guess I'll just do what I can for what they pay me.